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This week Flav announces he wants his own Flavor of Love calendar. A great idea if you ask me, and I hope they really do have a calendar they market and sell after the show. It would be nice for these ladies to earn some change because some of the contestants seem to be in near dire straits.
Anyways, to help create the calendar, Flav brings two friends from the past, Saaphyri and Buckwild. They wouldn’t be my choices, but not for the reason Hotlanta“ugly” advanced; she described them as “ugly”.
The girls are told they have three hours and one photographer to shoot “something that will put Playboy out of business”

As the girls prepare, Shy says she knows modeling, “I’ve done hair-shows, watched Tyra Banks shows” but the girls aren’t convinced. It soon turns into a fight for bikinis and whom to choose for which month.
Suddenly, but rightfully so, Prancer becomes rather conceited about being used in as many months as possible, “there can never be too much Prancer, the more Prancer the better” and insults Shy, “she has stretch-marks for days”
But you know what, Prancer can say that mess because her body is craxy.

Anyways, the photographer is Micah Smith, whom I’ve actually heard of and he has the ladies pose for each month, in no particular order.
Shy and The Things shoot ‘June’ (a big mistake because everyone knows HAMS are for December) and Hotlanta turns up in a white one-piece with the sides cut out (I’d have preferred the bits hanging out were cut-out instead)

Mind you, these ladies didn’t look awful; but there is a wife-look, a mommy-look and a model-look…and Hotlanta in a bath-suit is not a model-look.
At this point, the two sexiest women, Prancer and Seezinz decide to work together and insert themselves in as many Months as possible.
Prancer did April and July; Seezinz did September and shared August with Hotlanta.

In the most appropriate selection of the night, the Things and Sinceer did October; because that trio is straight outta Halloween.
And then came the battle for February. Shy and Sinceer were pre-selected, but the Prancer-Seezinz alliance got dressed for the shoot as well. And then to complicate things even further, Thing 1 and Thing 2 decided they would shoot February, too.
Micah shot all three and headed off a disaster.

But not for long, as a crazy argument ensued as Prancer and Seezinz, once again, tried to sabotage Sinceer who was the original model for the March (St Patrick’s Day) shoot. It got so crazy it drove Micah to drink and he called off the shoot.

So it was judging time with the Flavor of Love girls, past and present; and Micah, the photographer. It was no-brainer at the end as Seezinz and Prancer won the challenge, and a date with Flavor Flav.

The Date

Upstairs the losers discuss the photo-shoot, and stupidly, Hotlanta talks about dancing for men in order to feed her kids and herself.(how many times have we heard that?)
Later we see her on the phone and hear her say, “If you can get money out of Jerry, get money out of that *****”

Shy is also on the phone, but she schedules a dental appointment to correct the bad-breath issue Flav spoke about at the previous eliminations.
But it’s date time and the Flavorgram says the ladies will wear leotards.

Prancer speculates this date may involve the circus while Seezinz is excited because she looks good in spandex (Si te puede, Si te puede!)
And so they were off to the limousine; Seezinz looking ‘ohmygodish’ in red spandex and Prancer obstructing her sex-appeal with a jeans skirt over her blue leotards. (sigh)

In the limousine Seezinz goes straight for Flav’s mouth, and kisses him passionately. A big woman kiss.
“I am completely disturbed and uncomfortable by this…I just want to gag”, was all Prancer could say. (you’d think all women would know by now that putting-out, remains the best way to get a man)

Eventually they were taken to Tania Pierce, acrobatic instructor.
It was all playful and fun, but Seezinz was far more enthusiastic and her body is like whoa!
As with all little girls, when Prancer saw a big woman in the game, she just stepped aside.

Meanwhile, Shy kept her appointment at Oaks Dental Center. The dentist, as all dentists tend to do, butters her up by saying she simply has to brush and floss twice a day…before advising some of her teeth needs to go, she needs a deep-clean (which hurts like fuck) and a couple root-canals.
And then he saved the worst news for last…the bill!!!

Back at Cirque de Flav, Seezinz pulls Flav aside as Prancer goes through her paces; and says to him, “you need a woman. I am strong, intelligent and I fight for what I want” (for a moment there, when she’d just begun to mouth ‘fi’, I thought she was gonna say ‘fuck’. I would have fallen in love right there and then.)

Elimination Ceremony

Back home Shy thanks Flav for calling her out and says she’s gonna sort out her problem. She shows him the breath-mint chain she made (yeah, actual breath-mints); but Flav confesses to us, “You know what Shy, I love you, but it’s gonna take a little bit more than a cleaning and a mint necklace for you to come at your man” (lmfao)

Of course, you can’t have an episode of Flavor of love 3 without Thing 1 and Thing 2 running their mouths on someone, and whadda ya know, there they are snitching to Flav about Hotlanta’s phone-call.
Flav is concerned, because Hotlanta has ‘J-e-r-r-y’ tattooed on her neck, but she explains to him, Jerry, is her baby-daddy.
A concerned Flav half-accepts her answer and worries that she may be there for his money. (Flav, shut the fuck up.Like seriously dude. We kinda know by now that it’’s just a show and the winner is not going to be your girl. So just shut up already with that my mansion, my money shit. Geesh!)

Sorry about that rant, but I am still pissed off he didn’t ride out with Deelishis. Yes, even up to Season 2 my stupid ass was still a believer.
(exhales deeply)

Ok, so it’s eliminations time and the girls agree to do it in their pyjamas. But this time it’s not just the girls, Flav and Big Rick; but Buckwild and Saaphyri too. (for some reason Flav pronounces it Sa-Fiery, lol)
In order Flav selects Seezinz, Thing 1 and 2, Sinceer and Prancer…
It’s now down to Shy and Hotlanta. He chooses Hotlanta; and I hope no one gets offended by this, but we couldn’t have all black women in the house could we?

He tells Shy, “any man that gets a hold of you…he has his hands full”. But that’s no consolation to a teary-eyed Monalisa.

And that’s not the end either…Saaphyri and Buckwild say “Flav deserves better” and introduces four new women to the mansion; as the ladies look on in shock and surprise.
The four new girls were apparently nicknamed Tree (thats the giraffe-looking one), Prototype (the sexy, thick one), Black (Candace Cabrera) and Luscious D.
But don’t take my word for it.

Thanks for reading.
Cheers.

Pictures Courtesy VH1