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Another show, another season of new drama and a new series of recaps.

Like the series opening of every new show we get the voice over of where the contestants are (Hualtuco, Mexico), why the contestants are here (to be on TV again), what they should expect (drama), and what they are there to win ($250,000).

Then we hear the intro song for the very first time before the real opening on the show begins (The song sounds like it would have been more appropriate for Saved by the Bell but it was too wack to be picked.)

The show opens with the 17 contestants sailing toward the mansion on a boat and a few of the contestants share their feelings about what they hope the experience from the show will bring them. The Entertainer states that he was unhappy about leaving the ‘I Love New York 2′ mansion and having to return to his parents’ basement.
He also adds that he would hope to kill 2 birds with one stone and find love too.

Chance states, “I have limits… I ain’t eating no cow things and deer ding-a-lings.”

Pumkin says “I know there’s gonna be some hooking-up going on here and I hope some of it involves me.”

When they arrive at their destination, everyone rushes off the boat except for Midget Mac. He is apprehensive because of his fear of drowning.
Eventually, 12 Pack goes over to carry Midget Mac off the boat.

Once settled outside the mansion, everyone is greeted by Craig Jackson who introduces himself as the host of the show (Who the hell is this guy and where did they find him?)
He tells everybody that they will be competing for $250,000 over the next few weeks and to go find beds (Now you know there’s always drama with this)

Once inside the house, many of the contestants share their thoughts on who their friends are. Toastee says she refuses to share a room with Nibblz because she got her eliminated from ‘Flavor of Love 2′ when she told Flav she was a pron star.
She goes on to say “Pumkin is my only friend in this house.”

Heat and 12 Pack share their sentiments for still being friends while Destiney says that she considers Heather to be her friend. 12 Pack, Heat, Destiney, and Heather then decide to share a room together.
Heather likes this idea because she says, “12 Pack is hot and he’s like the male version of me.”

Meanwhile, Heat and Destiney flirt with each other in the bathroom. The Entertainer also lurks quietly outside the room stating that he will take Destiney if Heat doesn’t want her (Damn, stalker ass).
Whiteboy explains that he still considers Chance and Real to be close friends and their alliance is the strongest in the house.

After the sentiments about the alliances, the focus turns to Mr. Boston wandering aimlessly around the house searching for a bed and everyone discovers that there are only 16 beds.
Brandi C. and Megan feel disgusted by Mr. Boston’s presence so they hide the third bed in their room to keep him out (Bogus as hell but funny).

Later, Craig assembles everyone in a room to tell them more details about the competition. He shows them a lockbox and 17 checks, all made out for the grand prize.
He explains that the challenges are all modeled after memorable moments on everyone’s respective shows and as everyone gets eliminated, their checks will be voided.

He then calls everyone up one by one to ask them what they want to do with the money.
Mr. Boston comes up first and stutters to say he would use the money to see his two girlfriends in Boston and Los Angeles. Real doesn’t believe his story.

Toastee says she would use the money for medical school.
Pumkin declares, she wants breast implants! (No, girl. Wonderbras cost $30. You got the place right but you know you need another surgical procedure).

Megan scoffs and says, “saggy boob socks.”
Pumkin gets offended and calls her a ‘fake Paris Hilton’ and affirms that at least her breasts are real.

In the confessional Mr. Boston states that Pumkin is still “madly in love with him” and he had to dump her because he moved on to bigger and better things (LMAO).
Craig then presses Pumkin about her relationship with Mr. Boston and Pumkin vehemently denies that anything is still going on with them. She says Mr. Boston told her she was the best lover he ever had but they never got to the bedroom because he ‘finished’ after she kissed him (Ooooooh Damn, she gunned his ass).

This obviously drew laughter from everyone in the room while Pumkin explains that she can be “a little ghetto, too.”
Next, a long list of everyone describing their trivial wants follows.

1. The Entertainer- Move out of his parents’ house.
2. Heat-Help his mom recover from a botched surgery.
3. Rodeo-Promote her line of products.
4. Heather-Remove the “Bret” tattoo.
5. Hoopz-Help her mom and 5 sisters.
6. Real-Help his grandma retire from teaching.
7. Whiteboy-Pay bills and buy clothes (At least he’s being honest).
8. Chance-Promote the Stallionaires.
9. Destiney-Buy a Corvette.
10. 12 Pack-Buy a bar (SMH at these answers)
11. Brandi C.-Build a Barbie dream house (::Blank stare:: Are you 8 years old?)
12. Nibblz-Build a dominatrix dungeon. Strangely, it meets the approval of the other contestants (SMH freaky asses).
13. Megan-Raise awareness for mentally disabled dogs and adopt more mentally disabled dogs (speechless).
14. Midget Mac-Give $200,000 to parents and use the rest for strippers (Now I know you got kids SMH.)

Everyone looks at Midget Mac quizzically as he exclaims that he’s just being honest.

Craig immediately changes the subject to tell everyone to put on black bikinis for the first challenge. Midget Mac doesn’t want to put the bikini on, while Mr. Boston is already dressed and worried about “stuffing” himself.
He admits, “I’m not really that big down there.” (Damn, you small and suffer from premature ejaculation. How do you get women?)

In another area, Hoopz asks Midget Mac why he won’t wear the bikini. Midget Mac says he isn’t gonna degrade himself.
Hoopz presses him for more answers and Midget Mac replies, “Shut up bitch.”

A shocked Hoopz attacks back and Midget Mac exclaims, “She a hoe and anybody who wanna fuck with her need to wear a rubber because she got herpes.” (Now I know you didn’t actually believe what The Game said about her did you?)

Rodeo, Brandi C. and Whiteboy find this to be extremely offensive and at the end of Midget Mac’s rant he calls Brandi C. “Snow White” and storms off.

The Challenge

Outside, everyone gathers and Craig reveals a glass booth with money inside as he explains “The G-String Strip Off Challenge.”
For the challenge, each person has 30 seconds to stuff as much money inside their bikinis as possible. The males can opt to not wear the bikini tops although it’s recommenced but they can’t wear anything else.

The contestants cannot stuff money in their shoes and they can’t bend down to pick up money. The two people who collect the most money will become team captains to choose teams for the show and they will be safe from Elimination.
Midget Mac did a Twista type rap to say he still wasn’t gonna put on the bikini, then Craig told him he was disqualified from the challenge.

The challenge begins and Megan and Brandi C. are immediately disqualified for trying to pick up the money. Heat goes next and Brandi C describes Heat as “looking too comfortable in the bikini and he reminds her of her gay friend who likes to wear her dresses” (DEAD).

A few minutes later, Rodeo gets in the booth and The Entertainer finds himself enthralled with Rodeo’s ass and admits he got an erection from looking at her (TMI dude). The competition goes smoothly until it is Chance’s turn to get in the booth.

Craig informs him that he must take his bandana off but Chance protests, and in the end he gets disqualified.
Whiteboy is the last person and he goes in and collects a lot of money.

At the end of the challenge, Craig announces that the top 3 money collectors are Destiney, Hoopz, and Whiteboy. He further states Hoopz collected the most money with 3640 pesos while Whiteboy came in second with 2860 pesos.
Hoopz and Whiteboy are Team Captains therefore, and Craig informs everyone else that Eliminations will be done “Dodge ball Style”, where the Team Captains pick people to be on their team and the person who doesn’t get picked must go home (The fuck? they are treating mofos like they 8 here).

Everyone goes inside the house to talk up Hoopz and Whiteboy. Brandi C. begs Hoopz to be on her team and Megan does the same until she realizes that Pumkin will be on Hoopz’ team.
Megan then goes to flaunt her assets in front of Whiteboy, Chance and Real.

The guys are stunned by her beauty but Whiteboy remembers that he will never let a woman trap him (I don’t believe that).

Nibblz opts to call her boyfriend to have phone sex instead of shamelessly begging Hoopz and Whiteboy to be on their team.

Mr. Boston begs Whiteboy and Hoopz while discovering that Brandi C. and Megan were hiding a bed from him. Mr. Boston then tells Brandi. C and Megan lame stories about his college days while Brandi C describes his personality as “The Boston Creep.”

Meanwhile, Rodeo and The Entertainer try to get Midget Mac to apologize for his actions but he scoffs at them and assures him (The E) that he won’t be going home. The Entertainer calls Midget Mac delusional and can’t imagine seeing him stay after his outburst.

Rodeo tries to get him to apologize to Brandi C. because she felt that after seeing him interact with New York on ‘I Love New York 2′, there’s no way he can hold this misogynistic view towards women. However, Midget Mac did not see a need to apologize because he felt he was attacked first (WTF is wrong with this dude?).

Elimination

Everybody gathers outside for Eliminations.
Brandi C. hopes she doesn’t get sent home while The Entertainer wants to see Midget Mac leave.

Craig calls Hoopz to collect her check and to take her place as the Gold Team’s Captain, and Whiteboy, to collect his as the Green Team’s Captain.
Whiteboy then realizes that Hoopz picking first, means the decision to eliminate somebody will ultimately fall on him.

Hoopz makes the first pick by choosing Rodeo while Whiteboy confuses everyone by picking Chance first.
Hoopz then picks 12 Pack, The Entertainer and Heather while Whiteboy selects Real and Mr. Boston.

After Craig points out that Whiteboy is picking an all male team, Whiteboy continues his streak by selecting Heat.
Heat is extremely reluctant to go to Whiteboy’s team because he has to be separated from 12 Pack. He refuses to go at first, but he ends up going anyway (That’s some way beyond gay ass shit man)

Next, Hoopz picks Toasteee and Pumkin as Whiteboy chooses Destiney and Megan.
Now the final 3, Brandi C., Midget Mac, and Nibblz remain.

Craig urges the three of them to make final pleas to Hoopz and Whiteboy in an effort to stay on the show. Brandi C. goes first and she apologizes for messing up the challenge but tries to point out that she’s a good swimmer and runner.
Whiteboy then instructs her to do 10 push-ups and she ends up doing girl push-ups and spraining her ankle in the process.

Midget Mac refuses to make a plea while Nibblz makes her case by doing 10 real push-ups (Damn, I have more respect for her after that.)

Hoopz then says that her mind was changed and she picks Nibblz to be on her team.

Whiteboy then has the final choice and he wastes no time picking the injured Brandi C. over Midget Mac.
Midget Mac didn’t seem surprised about being eliminated and he left without incident.






Pics courtesy: Rich at VH1