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On Episode 5 Destiney was bounced and everyone is so freaking happy. Even Rodeo. (in the words of Flavor Flav, where did your laugh go? I always knew that shit was fake)

The Entertainer isn’t quite as happy. Relaxing on the bed he shared with Destiney for 3 hours he says the ‘smell of the sheets makes me miss her’ (nothing like a good period odor to bring back memories)
He agrees with 12 Pack that the Stallionaire alliance must be undone. But 12 Pack is fixated on getting rid of Whiteboy, (SMH @ white on white crime)

But they aren’t the only ones scheming… Megan calls for a ‘solid for sure #1 alliance’ with Brandi C, Toastee and Pumkin. I am tempted to call it a blonde bitch alliance. But I won’t. ‘Cause I don’t like referring to women as blondes.
Toasteee is amenable to the idea ’cause you know that heffa got no friends. Brandi C is down too, to no ones surprise. Remember this is the girl who did pron just for the experience.
Pumkin is in too, ‘oooh, a secret 4 woman alliance. Sounds kinda kinky’ (sounds kinda skanky with you in it)

It was now time for the original alliances to get together; the Green and Gold Teams.
Today’s ‘Challenge’ calls for uniforms, swim-suits and new Captains.
Brandi C takes up the mantle for the Green Team and Pumkin is Captain for the day as well.

Midget Mac Challenge

The ‘Challenge’ takes place at the beach and on seeing the paraphernalia in the water, The Entertainer says it ‘looks like a couple o’ Jamaican guys drowning’
It’s actually the ‘Save the Mac Challenge’, based on Midget Mac’s escapade with the pond on ‘I Love New York’.
The rules are simple enough… the teams must rescue the dummy Midget Macs -positioned at varying distances- from the sea and bring them ashore using a back-board. There are 4 Midget Macs to be saved and all but one must be rescued by an individual team-member.
The other can be brought to shore by two members. (heh)

With that explained, host Craig Jackson says 5 members must participate (conveniently, the Green Team has exactly 5. That’s just bullshit!). And no player can sit out two challenges in a row so Hoopz must be a part of the 5 (where did this rule come from?)

With two team members to drop; Pumkin opts for Rodeo and The Entertainer.
The guy? You dropped the guy? With three ‘men’ on the other team?

First up it’s 12 Pack vs Chance. 12 Pack says he is ‘all shaved down, ready to go’ (this fag thinks it’s the Olympics).
Given the green light, Chance and 12 Pack race to the water and the Stallionaire looks good… until he gets to the water.
While 12 Pack is knifing through the water, Chance effects a dog paddle (y’all dead wrong for laughing. You know damn well black people can’t swim)

12 Pack goes for the farthest Midget Mac -about 150 metres out- and he and Chance, who rescued a Mac closer to shore, make it to shore at around the same time. 1-1 is the score.

Heather is next and she athletically enters the water. Her opponent is Megan, whose every stride made me throb.
I have never seen a flat-ass look better.
Brandi C says it was like ‘Baywatch’, but it was more like babe-watch to Real and Whiteboy.
They both got to shore in quick time. 2-2

For the third leg, the Gold Team sent two competitors (Pumkin and Toastee) to rescue the submerged Mac, whilst Whiteboy targeted the Mac farthest from shore.
Whiteboy is a decent swimmer, but he’s a wannabe Cuban so that’s not surprising.
I’m sure you’ve heard the joke, ‘what do you call a Cuban who can swim?’
Answer: An American!
(If you didn’t get that… Die!)

Anyways, back to the Challenge….
Toastee goes underwater to release the Mac-dummy without any help from Pumkin who ‘doesn’t want to swim deep with all the sharks and shit’ (fadder lawd; is she that stupid?)
Both teams rescue their third Macs and it’s now down to Hoopz vs Real/Brandi C.

Hoopz races to the sea and meets the water with shark-like grace. She chews up the water with each stroke (Black people can swim! Black people can swim!)
It wasn’t a contest as Hoopz -looking more and more masculine- easily wins the challenge for the Gold Team

The Vault

***A black guy just got Gold in the 4×100. Ain’t that some shit, lol***

Back in the mansion, Megan approaches Pumkin and tells her she has to eliminate a guy. Pumkin thinks she’s a ‘conniving bitch’ but believes strategically, it might be the best thing.

Later, Brandi C tells Megan she doesn’t want any of the guys to go (this girl is so stereotype, I’m starting to love her)
In the vault, Brandi C and Megan accept the fact they are in the box. The real question is which guy will have his check up for voidance.
Real volunteered last challenge so he’s in the clear; but Whiteboy says he can’t be in the box ‘being as I am such a big target; I’ve always been Public Enemy #1′
(did I miss something? Has this bitch appeared on another show? What big target?)

Foolishly, Chance volunteers.(where’s Jesse Jackson with dem damn scissors)

When news breaks, 12 Pack is shocked, ‘I don’t know how this kid keeps skipping the box especially when there are two brothers on the team’

Power outing

The Power Outing begins with a massage which Chance refuses, and he continues his surliness throughout the meal.
Confident of his alliance with Pumkin, Chance feels he needs not plead a case; but Megan is under no such illusions and makes the claim she is far more trustworthy than he is.
When Megan asks to speak privately with Pumkin, Chance calls her a ‘snake’ and in the confessional, he says he wants Whiteboy to drown Megan’s pooch (whiteboy, whiteboy, whiteboy; that’s all he knows)

For the one-on-one session Pumkin chooses Megan and they agree to a deal. Megan says she will be the next Captain and will spare Pumkin if her team wins. And if she isn’t the Captain, she’ll throw the Challenge and save her that way.
Pumkin feels assured and now needs just courage to vote off Chance.

Understandably, Chance feels less assured and says when he gets to the house he has to tell Whiteboy he’s ‘worried a little bit’ (if Chance ain’t gay, he’s in the process)

Elimination

At ‘Elimination’ Craig and Pumkin -looking quite nice I might add- conduct the proceedings.
Craig reminds all that ‘$250000 is up for grabs’, and with that, Pumkin spares Brandi C.
‘She’s no threat’, Pumkin says. (when will she be a threat? When she’s in the Final 2?)

It’s now down to Chance and Megan. ‘If I could go back I wouldn’t want to be Paymaster’, Pumkin admits; before summoning Megan to her.

The pattern has been to call forward the person then eliminate them, so Chance is relieved.
Pumkin adds to his relief as she addresses Megan, ‘it’s obvious from Day 1 that I don’t like you and I do hold grudges. I still don’t like you!’
It looks bad for Megan until Pumkin says she’d like her to stay.

‘What; what you say?’, says a shocked Hoopz.
As Pumkin tries to explain, Chance shouts, ‘shut your ass up!’

In the bedlam, Real yells ‘Fuck you!’ at Pumkin; but it’s a done deal, so Chance advises Craig to ‘void me up bruh’ (dude’s a bitch, but he always leaves in style, lol)

As he departs, Chance asks his friends to ‘take that bitch out’ and warns Pumkin she’s about to ‘get aten alive’ (SMH)

But not tonight bruh, not tonight…

[I Love Money 2]