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Episode 2 of Charm School 2 begins with Lily (Megan’s retarded dog) stretching (wtf? hahaha)
In her room Lacey stresses over Dallas and particularly the apple she threw at her. Her ear is still ringing, she says; as she leaves to confer with Brandi C and Megan.

She tells them she wants Dallas eliminated as the camera relaxes on Megan’s gorgeous body. Megan’s body is at that perfect stage of ripeness (I want to touch her so bad)
Brandi C, who’s become a bad-ass all of a sudden, is targeting Brandi M, ‘everything she says sounds like a line she made-up before she came here’ (wow; that’s actually clever-sounding, like)

Outside, Heather brings Sharon’s note and a bag to everyone’s attention. The bag is stuffed with pink bikinis and stretch pants and the note demands their presence at the beach.
However, in the ‘Confessional’, Sharon says they need an ass-kicking and she’s invited a special guest for that purpose.

Commandment 1: Thou shalt rock together!

At the beach, the ladies enjoy their afternoon until the bliss is interrupted by Dean Riki and a returnee from Season 1, First Sergeant Jones (the drill instructor).
His first command to the ladies is ‘get your cellulite ass and thighs, up’ (DYING!)
His first observation was, ‘you didn’t come here to tan your lil asses on the beach’ (DEAD!!!)

Between those two statements we learn the first Commandment, ‘Thou shalt rock together’ (yawns), which is way worst than last season’s, ‘Check thyself before thou wreck thyself’
Wearing gloves and bandanas, the ladies follow the Sergeant as he leads them in a cadence call…

I need charm and I need class
Cuz Bret Michaels dumped my ass

And he continues, asking Brandi C ‘are you having problems getting your chunky ass up?’ (CREMATED!)
This guy just reinforces why they should have brought back Keith Lewis and Mikki Taylor (or just her teeth, even)

The challenge, Sgt Jones instructs, is to move 20 15lb sand-bags from point A to B using a human ladder, somewhat.
Stupidly, Dallas positions herself to receive from Lacey in the human chain, and Lacey deliberately mucks up her toss. (doesn’t matter though, Dallas looks like she wouldn’t catch herpes in Mike Vick’s cell)

After dropping a few bags, Sgt Jones pulls her out of the line. And Brandi C joins her on the sideline, soon after. The remaining ladies complete the challenge, although the Sgt describes Megan as ‘just about the laziest person I’ve ever seen’ (ASCENDS TO HEAVEN!)

For their effort, the ladies reward is to pull Megan -seated in a makeshift Chariot- back to the original rendezvous, on the beach.
The task was made more difficult as Sgt Jones stood on the back of the sled and Brandi C volunteered to sit beside Megan, half-way through the journey (if we assume the Sgt is 175, then that’s like 177lbs the ladies were toting, lol)

Eventually they complete the journey, but Brandi M is light-headed and blames Brandi C’s additional weight.
Riki who’s been taking notes (can’t trust his memory after all that cocaine) says he has a lot to report to Sharon.
Riki Ractman is such a cunt, like seriously. He is so not Keith.
Last season Keith said mess like…
‘Leilene, today, I think you exhibited that you really have no spine… I think you are comfortable being a loser.’
But this little douche-bag just annoys me.

Rose Bowl Teamwork Challenge

Back at the mansion, Sharon orders the ladies to choose 2 teams of 6 contestants each for a head-to-head challenge tomorrow.

Lacey invites others to join her, Brandi C and Megan, but no one bites.
Megan then describes Brandi M as ‘disgusting trailer-park trash‘ which she overhears. Brandi’s response is to tease Megan about her fat thighs. (disgusting trailer-park trash ≠ fat thighs)

Later in the evening, Brandi M, Heather, Inna and Dallas party in Megan’s and Brandi C’s room for the sole purpose of keeping them awake.
Brandi M, no doubt still hurting, defaces the two ladies’ pictures and weirdly, whatever she drew on Brandi C’s clock is blurred out (hmnnn)

The next morning, the ladies assmeble at the ‘Rose Bowl’ and meet Sharon, Riki, Gabriella and her husband Gilby.
Gilby Clarke is a former Guns N’ Roses rhythm guitarist; but unless you’re a groupie you’d never know that.

The teams are told they must construct a stage and ‘Green Room’.
Team A is Lacey, Megan, Brandi C, Destiney, Kristy Joe and Jessica. Team B is everyone else, lol.

Having experience and all that, Lacey takes charge and her team races ahead. Sharon and Gilby notes her technical expertise; but Riki points out the other team has the brawn (::serious stare:: can he make it any more obvious that he despises Megan and Brandi C?)
Whilst Lacey leads the stage construction, Megan takes charge of the ‘Green Room’.
Needing panties to complete the criteria (to hang on the lamp), she solicits Destiney’s, but she isn’t wearing any. (does tongue exercises)
However Brandi C has a pair and matter-of-factly, strips in full glare of everyone and hands it over to Megan. (da hell?)

With that, Team Lacey completes the challenge and Gilby so ensures by playing a bit of guitar with Lacey accompanying him on the drums (that bitch is pressed)
The victory means Team A is safe from elimination.

Dallas, says she’s at risk and will ‘throw Angelique under the bus’. Angelique says, ‘Dallaz, shez a fake-azz’ (Genius!)

Eliminations

Back home Megan and Brandi C visit Sharon in her office in an effort to have Brandi M eliminated. They show her their pictures and we learn why Brandi C’s picture was blurred… Brandi M drew a dick near her mouth. (if you can show Raven’s weave, you can show a dick near Brandi’s mouth)

As they convene the Elimination ceremony, Dallas, Angelique and Brandi M are called down.
In the ‘Confessional’ Megan says of Brandi M, ’she’s a shit-stirrer, she’s ugly, and most important, she’s trailer-park trash’

Sharon addresses Brandi M first and describes her actions as childish, but Riki intervenes, claiming she was motivated by their laziness in the early challenges. (STFU and try to pull yourself out of the 80’s)
Sharon dismisses Riki and says it’s more about Brandi M teasing Megan about her thighs and flaws (SMH… only white women would be this upset that a thin girl is teased about her ‘fat thighs’)

It’s now down to Dallas and Angelique.
Angelique pleads her case and argues with Riki, whilst Sharon admonishes Dallas for her gangsta crawl.

Sharon then puts it to their team-mates to vote. Brandi M and Rodeo choose ‘Angelique’, Heather opts for ‘Dallas’ and Inna voted ‘present’
Having heard their choices, Sharon says it’s up to her and says, ‘I’m very very sorry to say this… Angelique, turn in your pin’.

She further explains that Charm School is about change and ‘Frenchy is happy being Frenchy’.

So that’s that…thanks for reading. Early tomorrow, Enigmatic will drop the ‘Real Chance Of Love’ recap.