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‘Dallas isn’t here anymore, Dallas isn’t here anymore’, Lacey sings as we begin Episode 7 of Charm School 2.
Jokingly, she and Brandi C decide Heather will be their next target for expulsion. (has Heather ever been kicked out of a show without sleeping with someone?)

It’s a moot point as Sharon’s note arrives and it advises tonight’s ‘Challenge’ will be about ‘cultivating healthy relationships with yourselves and the opposite sex’ (with the amount of men these women have had I think healthy is no longer an option)

The ‘Commandment’ tonight is ‘Thou Shalt Rock At Love’ and the guest is Donna Barnes, a ‘Dating and Relationship Coach’ (a pimp???)
She shares 4 tips with the ‘Charm School’ women… ‘Don’t show too much emotion’, ‘Drink in moderation’, ‘Sex makes you stupid’ and ‘Don’t discuss your ex’es’ (#3 makes sense, just look at Brandi M)

Brandi C summarizes “it all boils down to ‘don’t be a slut’, but being kinda slutty is kind of fun”

15 Minutes Of Lame

The ladies will test their tips with 3 single men, but to ensure their personality and brains are used to charm the bachelors, a team of unstylists (special-effects make up artists) are brought to ‘ugly up’ the ladies. (they could have saved money and used the girl who does New York’s makeup)

When the ladies are brought out their look is transformed; some more than others. They are given new names to complete the transformation… Brandi C is now ‘Bertha’, Jessica is ‘Bernice’, Lacey is ‘Gertrude’, Heather is ‘Gladys’, Brandi M is ‘Flo’, Destiney is ‘Hortense’ and Kristy Jo is ‘Ethel’.
The ladies are now ready to meet the bachelors and win the prize; immunity at Elimination.

The guys are Charlie O’Connell (The Bachelor), Ace Young (American Idol) and John Wolfe (Charm School, lol).
It’s much like speed-dating with 5 minutes per guy. Most of the girls think Ace is good-looking, but Riki Rachtman would seem good-looking compared to the other two guys.
John Wolfe provides most of the entertainment; charming Brandi C and annoying Brandi M.
But the best moment came when Wolfe asked Lacey if she had any other piercings and she replied ‘I do have another piercing but the hair is so overgrown you can’t really see it. (ewwww. She isn’t treating that animal ethically)

When the girls 15 minutes of lame is up, the guys are asked to name which girl impressed them and is worthy of another date.
Ace chose Destiney and O’Connell picked Brandi M; as did Wolfe. That meant Brandi M was the winner and safe from Elimination (I guess I didn’t pray hard enough)
Additionally, she was asked to choose another person to join her on the date at a Club. She chose Destiney, which upset Heather who thought she was closer to Brandi M. (there is no honor among skeez)

The ladies will be taken to their dates by limo and will be joined by the other women who must remain in their ‘uglified’ state. But before they leave, Heather and Brandi C get wasted.

Love In Da Club

At the Club Ace seems interested in Destney, John seems hella interested in Brandi C.
Brandi M is receiving little attention from the guys; probably ’cause removing the prosthetic makeup didn’t change her appearance that much.
The other women are receiving much more attention but not the kind they’d hope for. (you enter a Club looking like the Bride of Chucky and you expect people not to stare?)

All the while Brandi C and Wolfe are kissing intensely with Brandi C moaning like she’s being paid by the decibel. But, it was now time to leave, and at this stage almost all of the ladies are drunk, particularly Brandi C.

Oh Spit!

At the mansion, Jessica helps Brandi C to her room and they ply her with pizza. (uh?)

Lacey then decides this is the perfect opportunity to get-back at Heather and persuades a still drunk Brandi C to scream at Heather (if that makes sense to you, email me and explain it)
A shouting match ensues and as Destiney yells at Brandi C to get out of their bedroom; Brandi C, almost gracefully, spat in her face.
Destiney was in shock but remained calm as Brandi C taunted her. (was Destiney in shock because she got a facial? Or because there wasn’t a loud grunt before it happened?)

Brandi C is then helped by Lacey to her room, but Heather, only now aware of the spitting incident, chases after Lacey to confront her.
But in doing so she provoked an asthma attack (she has asthma? No wonder 12 Pack was surprised she didn’t orgasm. That weezing and shortness of breath would fool any dude)

Lacey accused Heather of believing she’s an A-list celebrity, but Heather denies it, saying, ‘I am… bitch!’
(wait… she really thinks she’s an A-list celebrity? Fadder Lawd)

As Lacey walks down the stairs, referring to Heather as a ‘weak bitch’; Heather throws a plate that breaks on the staircase.

The next morning sees Brandi C tanning in her bikini, but her hangover is added to by Jessica who tells her of last night’s drama; drama Brandi C claims to have no memory of.
Feeling contrite she finds Destiney and offers an apology, which Destiney accepts but not before warning her of how terribly she behaves when drunk. She tells Brandi C she “sees a lot of herself” in her. (I’d rather not apologize than listen to Destiney’s groupie-ass lecture me)

As Brandi C leaves, Destiney thinks Lacey sabotaged her only friend.

But Brandi C isn’t the only one ‘doing’ damage control. Heather visits Sharon and confesses to throwing a plate near Lacey, but only because she was provoked (::serious stare:: fool, you went after her!)

Eliminations

At Elimination, Sharon gets to the point and asks Lacey about the incident with Heather. Lacey says she threw it at her head, which Heather denies.
Jes, the self-proclaimed only sober witness says Heather did not thrown the plate at Lacey’s head.

Lacey then says Heather claims she is an A-list celebrity, which seems to annoy Sharon.
Aware that the tide is turning against her, Heather mentions the spitting incident which alarms Sharon and the Deans.

After Brandi C explains what happened, Sharon says “that is against the law, your mouth is full of bacteria”
She asks Destiney if Brandi C should leave but Destiney says Lacey is the instigator.
That wasn’t enough to convince Sharon who asks Brandi C for her pin. A sincere sounding Brandi C accepts her punishment and is expelled.

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