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Episode four starts off on a sad note… the retired model, Maria, had to be rushed to the hospital and won’t be on the tour anymore.
Big John says she has a medical condition, but doesn’t elaborate.

This is particularly bad news because she was liked by everyone (Except me.)

Bret calls her while she’s in the hospital, and she says the nurses couldn’t get her to bleed because Bret has her heart.
In the ‘Confessional’, Bret says that for twenty years he’s had Type 1 diabetes and he knows what it’s like to be on the road with a serious medical condition.
While Bret leaves to visit her, the girls receive a note from him.

The next stop on the tour is Chicago, Illinois.
The note tells the girls to “Dress to impress.” The girls, of course, take this as a cue to dress as slutty as they possibly can.
Marcia starts drinking, again, and the rest of the girls try their best to get dressed on a moving bus.

To Pee Or Not To Pee…

When the girls arrive, Bret says today’s challenge is the ‘Roadie Challenge’. What the ‘Roadie Challenge’ entails is the girls doing their best to dismantle one of two identical concert stages, before the other team.

Instead of picking teams, Bret has the girls pick either black or red guitar picks out of a bag. There is a special green pick as well and whoever picks it gets an automatic win, and joins the winners for VIP access before and after the concert; and on the date.

Ashley, Brittanya, Beverly, and Natasha are the Red Team.
Farrah, Mindy, Kelsey, and Taya are the Black Team.
Marcia gets the green pick, and doesn’t have to compete.

The girls are given boots for the challenge because they don’t want anyone to get hurt. (What about actual clothes?)

The challenge begins and Mindy has to pee so bad, she can’t do anything until she pees. (Very Rodeo-esque behavior, I think.) Mindy runs off to the bathroom and her teammates are pissed at her when she gets back. (Pun intended.)

The World’s A Stage

In the middle of the challenge, Taya, who is giving this challenge everything she’s got, falls off the stage.
At first, she seems okay because she picks herself back up and starts working again. Soon enough, though, she admits she’s hurt and starts crying.

Farrah runs over and tells her to shut up and keep working. (What the hell? Taya clearly fell off the stage and all you’re concerned about is winning a damn challenge. What ever happened to ‘Love Thy Neighbor?’ Oh, I forgot.. This is Rock of Love Bus…)

Meanwhile, Marcia (who, I should note, is probably costing VH1 a ton of money in FCC fines because of her boobs) who isn’t competing, takes this time to steal some one-on-one time with Bret.
In this time she says she is not in love with Bret and doesn’t understand how someone could be when they don’t talk. Bret agrees and says he is in lust with the girls. (Really, Bret? I had no idea!)

The Black and Red teams are neck and neck in the challenge and after a battle well fought, the Red Team wins. The Black Team is very disappointed about their loss, especially Mindy and Taya.
Taya cries and Mindy goes on a rant about how no matter how hard you try, you will still lose. (Jeez, someone give this girl some Zoloft.)

Bret gives the losing girls one last chance to get the VIP treatment. He hands out four cell phones to each of the girls and tells them that his phone number is programmed in there and whoever hears a Ring Back tone for “Go That Far” (Mmm, I love shitty product placement.) when they call him, gets to go with the others.

The Black team ends up having a “white trash barbecue” outside of the bus while the others are in VIP.
Kelsey ends up getting the Ring Back tone and Big John walks her to the VIP.

In VIP, the girls end up receiving jewelry and (ugly) outfits to wear to the show. (Now would be a good time to mention that Brittanya will have a black box across her chest for the entire concert, as well as the after party. SMH.)

As the VIPs head to the stage, the losers head to their horrible general admission nosebleed seats. As always, the girls are dancing to the shitty music.
Unable to be with each other, Ashley and Farrah jiggle their boobs as a signal. (Even I have to admit, they’re kind of cute with each other.. in a trashy sort of way.)

Everyone seems to be having fun, except for Mindy. Even Bret notices her not having fun from the stage.
Marcia notices a few real fans singing along in the front row and gives them the bracelet that Bret got her in VIP.

Et Tu Bitch

When the concert ends, the girls go to an after-party.
Big John tells the ladies that Bret is feeling rather tired and he won’t be joining them. This, of course, doesn’t matter to the girls and they drink and gamble like nothing is wrong.

At the party, Ashley notices Beverly chatting up Bret’s drummer, Chuck, and she screams “BITCH!” at her. (I sincerely hope this is not going where I think it’s going.)

Ashley, in the middle of a conversation, notices Beverly kissing Chuck. (NO! NO! NO!)

I had hoped Ashley was just being a bitch and lying, but it turns out she wasn’t.
We get treated -a couple times during this episode, actually- to a shot of Beverly actually kissing Chuck, with arrows pointing to Beverly and Chuck.

Ashley drunkenly confronts Beverly about it, but Beverly too, is drunk, and she denies it.
Ashley is so wasted at this point, she keeps going on about how she wants a cheeseburger. Ashley ends up vomiting, and Farrah helps her while she’s drunk. (I think Farrah and Ashley’s friendship is growing on me.. I like them so much more than Megan/Jessica and Brandi C/Kristia.)

The next morning, the girls are aching and hungover from the previous night.
Taya mentions that her “groin muscles are freakin’ pulled.” (Okay, Heat.)

Brittanya says to Beverly that she must have been drunk because he wasn’t cute, but Beverly still thinks she didn’t kiss him.

The girls get a note from Bret, and Bret takes the ladies out on a lunch date.
During this date, Ashley tells Bret that Marcia gave her bracelet away; but it’s Bret who brings up that Beverly kissed his drummer.

Beverly insists she doesn’t remember, but Ashley -who actually got a cheeseburger- says she saw her.
Beverly admits that if she did, it wasn’t cool.

Bret, who suddenly thinks he’s some kind of saint, says to Beverly that no matter how drunk he got, he wouldn’t make out with her friends. (Yeah, you’d just make out with her enemies… Do I dare mention the four-way kiss on Episode one?)

Eliminations

Elimination arrives and Bret says that with some of them, he has a much stronger connection than just a “party connection.” (I’m thinking an STD connection…)

Ashley gets the first pass, and not long after is Farrah.
Eventually it’s down to Mindy, Marcia and Beverly.

Bret asks Big John to leave, and take the two remaining passes because it’s painfully obvious what he must do here.

Bret goes down the line and says that Marcia is a wonderful soul, Mindy is cared for and attractive, and Beverly broke a rule by kissing a guy. (Remember ladies, it’s okay to kiss girls, but never okay to kiss a guy.)

Bret ends up telling Beverly and Mindy that they are staying, and Marcia’s tour ends here. (I’ll pour some out for you, Marcia.)

Epilogue

The next episode won’t be on for two weeks, February 8. And three new girls board the bus.

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