Rock Of Love Bus Ep 7: Pet Of The Year
It’s off to Alabama and as the bus rolls on, Taya announces she’s the Penthouse Pet of the Year (Wanna know all the Pets of the Year?)
It’s not good news to anyone else, and especially Beverly who thinks she’s annoying. (Your divorced ass with three kids before you’re 30 and running around tongue-kissing drummers you just met is even more fucking annoying)
But that’s just my opinion; it’s time for the 1st Annual Bret Michaels Truck Stop Games. (The first? Are you saying there will be a Rock Of Love 4? Just shoot me now!)
There will be three teams of three ladies to be judged by three truckers…
Green Team: Mindy, Jamie & Brittanya
Yellow Team: Taya, Kelsey & Farrah
Blue Team: Kami, Beverly & Ashley
And those teams compete in three challenges for points. The winners earn the much coveted ‘date’.
The first challenge is the ‘Beer Belly Flop’ with one contestant per team belly-flopping into a tank of beer.
Jamie earned 25 pts, Bev did well for 27.5 pts, and Kelsey removed her top to receive 29 pts.
Challenge #2 is titled ‘Stripper-Pole Gymnastics’; which sorta speaks for itself.
Britt is first and she’s awful (15 pts). (Seriously, this girl has not done shit in this show. And the more you look at her, the less attractive she is)
Kami kills it and earns 30.5 pts. Farrah, who is truly an absolutely annoying cunt agrees on Taya to represent the team on the pole. Her hope is Taya will embarrass herself (Only a helium-bitch as Farrah would think not knowing how to work a stripper-pole is embarrassing)
This Bitch Is A Stripper
But Taya is far from shamed; mounting the pole and twisting her body in an upside down swan-pose. Farrah duly notes this can’t be her first time, “This bitch is a stripper”.
Taya earns 28 points to make it 57 pts for the Yellow Team; just one point behind the Blue Team.
It’s now down to the ‘Dog & Dash Relay’ where the ladies combine to take a hot-dog along an obstacle course, to the trucker-judges.
Mindy leads her team, but she dives face-first on the soap-slide and soaks the hot-dog.
The judges are disgusted and with a grand total of 62 pts, they have no chance.
Ashley runs the anchor leg for her team and wisely knee-slides to earn 24 pts for her team. They total 82 and take the lead.
Needing 26 pts to win, the Yellow team sent Farrah as their anchor, but her knee slide went awry and she fell on her back. However, she used her breasts to sway the judges for the win. (I seriously dislike this woman. I want to spear-gun her breasts)
Upset by the result, Beverly walks off, upset.
Later in the day, the ladies are in their rooms in Decatur, Alabama, when Bret arrives. He believes the judges were swayed by Farrah’s breasts and invites the Blue Team over for grog and gab.
The conversation quickly turns to other women, and Ashley says she’s cool with other chicks. Beverly and Kami aren’t so generous. (Is Bret down with other guys screwing them!?)
Kami describes Ashley as “the most skankiest bitch I’ve ever met in my life” (I laughed out at that)
They leave for Bret’s bedroom and we catch a glimpse of Ashley & Bret, kissing.
I’m A Stripper But I Ain’t No Ho
Eventually all three return to their rooms, but Kami is visibly angry. She reveals Ashley stripped when they were in Bret’s room, and she wants to leave.
The next morning and “Kamilicious” asks to see Bret, alone. She wants to leave she says, and Bret agrees… ‘things got out of hand last night’ (I could understand Taya’s vagina giving you a fright, but what could possibly scare a stripper like that?)
That done, Kami says goodbye to the ladies; but the ‘blondes’ celebrate.
Kelsey is unapologetic, “I am not here to (no no, don’t say it) make friends with anybody. I am here for Bret (Ah Geez)
(Can anyone guess every girl who’s said that in VH1? I dare you!)
The ladies are now off to an amusement park, and while sharing personal time with Farrah, she takes the opportunity to run her mouth on Taya. Taya is “fake” she says. (That has to be the 41st time we’ve heard someone say that)
She says Taya has looked down on her and Ashley for stripping but her work on the pole suggests she’s a hypocrite.
Bret agrees… “Yesterday was some of the finest pole work I’ve ever seen done.” (That’s a great compliment when you think he got ‘head’ from Pamela Anderson)
Bret also shares a kiss with Kelsey, but Farrah said “it looks like she’s kissing her Dad.”
Back on the bus, Farrah asks Taya if she’s ever stripped and she answers, “Once upon a time”
And even more is revealed when Kelsey says Taya’s real name is actually Laurie (Wtf is up with ‘Rock Of Love’ and luggage name tags? To this day we haven’t figured out why Vanessa Mossman’s name was on Daisy’s luggage)
After excessive use of the word, ‘lame’, the fight ends and the ladies prepare for a night out at ‘Iron Horse’ where Bret is having a fan-jam.
It’s an important event because, for the first time, Big John warns the ladies to be on their ‘best behavior.
But it might be too late because Kelsey and Farrah are drunk like skunks.
At the event Farrah and Kelsey make out, and dry-hump on the floor, much to Big John’s and Bret’s embarrassment.
Big John scolds them, “I asked you guys not to be slutty and whorey”, but that’s like asking Obama to not say ‘errr’ and ‘ahhh’
Kelsey, who’s like really really really drunk, runs outside and collapses on a speed-bump (which would be like the greatest metaphor ever if it weren’t completely accidental and coincidental)
Big John follows her and gives her a pep-talk, “I’ve seen the progress; the commitment you made. You gotta good shot here; focus on you!” (It would seem like really nice if it didn’t totally come across as the method he uses to fuck Bret’s groupies)
Elimination
At Elimination, Ashley joins the other blondes in a drunken stupor. But Bret is only concerned about Kelsey.
You see Big John totally told on her, and Bret calls her down.
He retells the incident the way the bad-guy does, unnecessarily, in the movies; before advising Kelsey, ” I’m gonna let your tour end here”
And I’m gonna advise you that ‘the recap ends here’
Farrah and Asfley rock! taya is nasty with beef curtains!
DEAD at beef curtains.
I like beef curtains
I just threw up in my mouth at that Steupz.
Beef curtain fo’ life! I just wanna suck on them things…
Steupz, read between the lines, there will be a season 4,lol. The FIRST truck stop games? lol.
I’m thinking that’s just wishful thinking
Taya looks like Cher.
LMAO
HI KHI! OMyG I am so mad that they let Kelsey go for what happened at the concert & didn’t let that Brazilian chick go when she hit Ashley//wtf was that all about? All this says is Bret is just a television sitcom star; no love will be found here. And he will be the first of the “of loves” with a Season 4.
Exactly.
Well, now I don’t have to do it XDD
Who wrote this?
Kelsey was the only hot one on this show. The rest of them either look like nursing home patients or men. In Farrah’s case, both!
DEAD!
Ew, Kelsey was not hot. She was ok as long as she didn’t talk. She is a side mouth talker, all I see when she talks is her jaw stretching off to one side and it creeps the hell outta me. -shutters-
oops double post
http://www.tmz.com/2009/03/02/sharon-osbourne-sued-for-hair-attack/
“Oh fuck.”
Is all I really have to say about that.
She’s a smart girl, that Megan. Capitalize on an embarrassing moment; sue a rich lady. She’ll win. And she’ll never have to work again. I don’t like it bcs I love Sharon, but I have a newfound respect for Megan’s cleverness
I’m going to hell for that, arent I?
I like the hatred in you Meupz!
Scarah and Trashley = good ratings. We’ve seen this too many times where people should have been thrown off by week 3, but since they make good tv, they get to stay. Just tell Scarah to keep he rmake up on and tell Trashley to stay away from me or I will punch her in the face, kick her in the chest and chop er in the neck.
With the truck stop games, the slip n slide rule was to go on your butt or your chest. Not surprising that Trashely wound up on her knees and did damn well at it.
I also object to the use of my name in the same sentence describing farrah’s boobs use of persuasion for the judges.
final 6 = ashley farrah brittanya jamie taya beverly
YES!!!! MEGAN IS SUING!!
http://www.tmz.com
I love Megan, but I love Sharon more. Honestly, Megan got what was coming to her. You don’t talk about a woman’s family like that. Sharon shouldn’t have insulted her but Megan took it to another level.
She shouldn’t go around running her mouth if she couldn’t handle the consequences. Especially on a trashy reality show. She shouldn’t sue. Is whatsherface suing her for kicking her?
nope.
Shut the fuck up about the kicking thing. Megan kicked AFTER being shoved. You could say it was self defense.
It’s ALSO a little different.
Case one: Person A shoves you, and you kick them.
Case Two: Person A is drunk, RESPONDS to a hurtful comment about never being allowed to breed by making a hurtful comment about Person B’s husband. Person B throws a drink in Person A’s face, Breaks a glass over them, GRABS Person A’s face while they’re blinded, yanks them off the couch, and pounds in their head, scratches them, claws, while Person C also hits them in the head (Rodeo’s old ass)
She has a case; no doubt.
She will settle out of court to avoid litigation or generate more publicity for the dumb cunt’s tv show (huge mistake) as she has the personality of a bag of dog shit and will not be able to carry a show for more than 5 minutes.
Farrah and Ashley get on my last nerve. Farrah is just big and on top of that she has those big over-inflated boobs which makes her look even bigger. Nothing feminine or sexy about her at all.
Ashley looks like the eptiome of slut and nastiness. I hope they both go home soon.
Even though I don’t care for her but I think Beverly is pretty.
Poor Kelsey! haha
Best line ever:
“I don’t care about Bret… I don’t!”
WTF is up with the elimination eyeshadow, Bret?!
They sent Kelsey away because somehow her BFF*s had become Farrah and Ashley. Even Bret could not live with that.
(*they were who she was always around) (added by Mobile using Mippin)
ROL3 is the bomb! This trashy show is so entertaining.
I watched this show tonight and I really hate Ashley and Farrah. But I hate Farrah more. She is too old (she looks like she is 55) and unattractive to dress like that. It’s like she thinks she is Heather and even Heather should be offended at that. Farrah is DISGUSTING. Ashley is stupid, disgusting and not funny in the slightest.
I actually like Farrah. I don’t respect her as far as I could throw her, but at least when she talks shit she is funny. Trashley is the skank of all skanks, and there’s nothing funny about those herpes her and Brett are passing around to each other.
This recap was really funny!!
I am SO curious to know why the FRENCH Trashley and Scarrah did not step up for the stripper pole challenge???
LAME!!!!
I cannot believe Chris Brown has just had his case continued until April 6. Scum.
Thanks for the earlier comment… but isn’t a continuation more evidence that Rihanna isn’t cooperating?
No, it just buys time for a plea deal to be negotiated. In the court today,the judge asked if there was a “no-contact order” in place, to which Geragos (scum #2) replied, “Miss Fenty [Rihanna] does not request such an order.”
Her actions are breaking my heart.
We can’t help who we love… N E Way, I think Farrah would’ve done it
Yeah but, I can understand -on some level- going back to your husband who beat you up.
But a boyfriend? And it’s known to millions of people that he beat your ass to a pulp?
And left you there for any sicko to come along?
She could have gone into shock, a coma, unconscious…any shit like that.
Naw, there is no reason she would go back to that boy unless her brain has been scrambled. She’s just dumb.
Here, here!
On top of all of that, a HORRIBLE PR/career move. She should follow Britneys path and come out stronger and away from him!
I kind of wonder if they DID’NT all do it…and edited it to show just the 3 for shock and awe regarding Taya!