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“I’ve been with my chick for 6 months… she’s 6 months pregnant.” (Welcome to VH1′s Dad Camp)

As the soon-to-be moms and dads are bussed in, separately, the 6 couples are introduced to us.

Tiffany and Elliott : 19, she got pregnant two or three weeks after they met. (Unless there’s money on the table, there is really NO reason why a girl should be spreading her legs that quickly.)
But, with a name like Elliott, how bad can he be, right?
Baddd… Elliott, 22, looks like he’s from the 18th Street gang; all tattooed up and shit. Worse yet, he has D-E-A-D-B-E-A-T tattooed across his knuckles. (:::serious stare::: Seriously, some girls need to take a hint. Like I’d never sleep with a girl whose knuckles had S-Y-P-H-I-L-I-S on it)

He says that tattoo is inspired by his deadbeat Dad, as if that’s supposed to make it cool or something.

In Throes

Bri and Donta : Gold teef in his mouth, “Hasn’t had a job in a long time” and his girl Bri is 6 1/2 months pregnant. But at least D has his weed. “It’s my hobby; some people like to knit, some people like to collect coins; I like to smoke weed.”

His name and appearance is frighteningly similar to the definition of a Gunta.

As for Bri; well she works and provides money for him to spend on alcohol and drugs.

Shell and Aaron : The second interracial couple, they don’t appear to have that many issues.

Candace and Austin : 21, she’s 7 1/2 months pregnant and has been with Austin for 4 years. She’s caught him watching p0rn and chatting up girls via email. (So? I do that.)

He also drinks every day, and drives drunk. (Ok, I’ll give her that.)

Christina and Brian : 25 and 24, 6 months together, 4 1/2 pregnant. That’s pretty much it, except he’s a traveling salesman and she wants to live in Tennessee. He doesn’t. (That’s why they are called ‘The Volunteers’, no one really wants to stay in that country-bucket.)

And finally…
Cheryl and Wes : Cheryl is 30, but she’s Asian so she looks 13. Wes is her 27yr old frat-boy.
They live with her mother and he doesn’t contribute much. (Da hell? A single parent Asian family? Well I never…)

Vagina At Work

The girls arrive at the mansion, but the guys are taken to St. Marina Hospital. And specifically, to an unlit room in the ‘Birth Center’ where a voice speaks to them… ‘Guys, this is your future!’

Gruesome video of a mother giving birth is then shown. The reactions are predictable… (Ladies; stop asking your man to be in the room with you. That shit is demoralizing, humbling and downright fuckin’ scary. Men DO NOT wanna see a baby escaping from your vagina!)

When the room becomes better lit, a man is seen behind a desk. It’s Dr. Jeff Gardere, and his face is serious!
“Your women are fed-up!”, he barks. (Your women??? How old is this guy?)
He continues, “Fed-up with the smoking, fed-up with the drinking… fed-up with the lying!”

Cue laughter from Donta. (What a cunt!)
Not perturbed, Dr. Jeff provides more details on ‘Dad Camp’; it will include a 30-day program and at the end, ‘the women’ will decide whether to allow, or not, their baby-daddies to help raise their children.

Message delivered, Dr Jeff takes control of the vehicle and drives them to the mansion to meet their women.
There, they learn they won’t be sleeping with their partners and there is no alcohol in the house. But, before they cause a riot over it, Dr. Jeff interrupts to say he’s sending the guys on a ‘Boys’ Night Out’ while the ladies will stay at home for a quiet dinner. (I cannot believe after all these years of reality tv that the men will fall for this shit.)

Therapy

At the bar the guys, inevitably, hook up with women and get wasted. While at the house, the ladies discuss cravings and their boyfriends’ immaturity. Some say they will end their relationships if the guys do not change at the end of the program. (Yeah right.)
The guys return home and all seems well… until the next morning at group therapy.

After stressing that “parenting is about accountability”, Dr. Jeff shows video of the boy’s night out, beginning with Elliott.
Elliott is shown giving his number to a chick, and when she’s warned off by one of the guys who tells her he has a girl pregnant for him, Elliott brushes it off saying their relationship is on the rocks.

Looking on, Tiffany is crushed. They argue until Dr. Jeff interrupts to warn Elliott that “If you want to be the father, put away the disrespect.” (Dude looked dorky at first, but he’s a good host. Much more credible than Steve.)

More video…
This time it’s Austin on the hot-seat and he’s shown flirting, then kissing a girl named Heidi, who had a really nice ass.
The video ends and there is silence!!! (You know what, this shit might be mildly amusing on Tool Academy, but here, where the girl is pregnant!? Nahhh, kissing on another girl isn’t cool. Not cool at all.)

Candace is crushed, so Dr. Jeff intervenes.

“He’s done this before, he’s cheated on you?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know how many times?”
“I don’t want to know.”

Dr. Jeff turns to Austin and asks if he has a drinking problem, which he denies. But Candace reveals he drinks everyday.
After a brief lecture on trust, Dr. Jeff voices the ‘House Rules’, “No drinking, no lying and no drugs.” Then adds that his staff checks all the possessions of everyone who enters his program, so “fess up if anyone brought weed to the house.”

No one responds, so Dr. Jeff reveals a bag of weed.
“It’s mine.”, Donta admits.
“Bri, are you surprised at this?”, asks Dr. Jeff.

She isn’t and it is then revealed he smokes around her, and consequently, their unborn child. (Well, we can’t expect his ass to smoke outside the house and get arrested, can we? SMH)

Dr. Jeff ends therapy and declares “Dad Camp has officially begun!”

Backlash

Tiffany and Candace run off to their rooms after the shame and embarrassment with their baby-daddies in tow.
As Candace cries, Austin has the balls to say, “Don’t cry, I want us to be happy.”

The episode ends with Candace saying, “I’m so tired of your bullshit…” (I’d have said the same about VH1 few weeks ago, but I’m good now.)