Massie’s You’re Cut Off Premiere 
The moment I heard about this show, I swooned.
Is it because I sometimes have bad taste? Probably, but I’m from Jersey, it happens.
The show begins as every other Vh1 show… the contestants believe they are starring in a show about their fabulous life; but instead, it’s off to Boot Camp.
Contestants:
Erica - Houston Princess: I am not kidding, this girl actually wears tiaras everywhere she goes. Her dad is a plastic surgeon, so she has the hook up (Her face is looks permanently frozen so it does have its setbacks). She also has her own astrologer, so she should have known what this show was all about.
Jaqueline and Jessica: No show is ever complete without at least one Jersey girl making the State look bad, and in this show, we end up with two. Jackie is from Mahwah and Jessica is from Howell. Jessica lets us know she can’t live without tanning and cigarettes (I guess this was her backup since she didn’t make it onto the Jersey Shore?).
Gia – Sherman Oaks, CA: She is a self proclaimed “demanding spoiled diva”. She is married with a daughter but doesn’t know how to cook, clean, nor change her daughter’s diapers. Basically she doesn’t do shit but spend her hubby’s money (Lucky bitch).
Chrissy – Beverly Hills, CA: Talks likes she’s from the hood, and would cut a bitch up if they looked at her wrong. She also sounds like she was formerly a man.
Pamela – New York, NY: Nothing exciting about her in the intro
Amber – Savannah, GA: Southern Belle who’s a younger, mini clone of Kirstie Alley.
Leanne – Beverley Hills, CA: Maxes out her credit cards at least three times a week and crashed her brand new Ferrari.
Courtnee – Charlotte, NC: Nothing of interest to mention.
(For some reason all these chicks think they are some sort of catch. This happens when alright looking chicks start believing what the horny guys they come across say to them. Ladies, you know you truly look good when a straight chick - who is not your friend - tells you that you look good. Otherwise don’t believe the hype, because men are 85% full of shit and 15% full of hot air.)
Credit Crunch
The girls are all separately taken to the mall, where they commence a massive shopping spree but end up having their credit cards declined. They start freaking out and the way they were acting, you’d think someone had died. They are then told to go to Guest Services to have the problem resolved.
All the girls meet for the first time and are escorted to a room and are shown video of their benefactors saying they are tired of supporting their lavish lifestyles, and they are cutting them off so they can become independent.
Many panic at the news and some even begin to cry (Clearly a very traumatic experience… they suffer so much). Jessica’s mom even tells her that Mickey D’s is hiring and she should go put in an application (Oh come on now… that’s just cruel and unusual punishment.)
The girls are then told their ride is waiting for them outside. They don’t think the news can get any worse, until they see mini vans parked outside.
Ghetto Fabulous
As they near their destination they are creeped out as they drive past - to them - average looking homes, to which Jaqueline exclaims, “Oh hell no, we are in the ghetto.” (LMAO, they should have dropped these girls in Compton to get a real dose of reality and ghetto, now THAT would truly be entertainment .)
The girls arrive to their new home (A decent house) and they are disgusted.
Right off the bat, the girls have their first lesson. They are each given one bag and are told they will have to make do only with what will fit in the bag. And the sooner they finish, the quicker they can pick their rooms.
Later the girls realize all the food is frozen… if they want to eat, they have to cook!
Some of the girls prefer to starve.
They begin scouting for easy to make food, but settle for boxed wine. Even then, the girls are perplexed at seeing wine in a bag, and it takes them a while to figure out how to open it. (In their defense, I didn’t even know wine like that even existed. Maybe that’s stuff you get at Costco by the bulk?)
The girls are starving at this point so Jessica decides she is going to try to make dinner. The food looks a hot mess, and I’m surprised one of them didn’t get a touch of food poisoning (If they can’t cook, they could have just fried some eggs, but they probably would have fucked that up too).
AmErica Got Talent
After dinner the girls gather around and Erica shows off her talent; holding a glass of wine in her mouth that is filled to the tip.
She is also all about sharing, and decides to share with the other girls her tiaras. Erica could really give a damn, so she is later dared to strip and run laps around the house, and she gladly does so.
Gia meanwhile, is looking at all that is going on with disdain and Erica confronts her about her attitude. She tells Gia she can read everyone’s mind, and this prompts Gia to ask her what she is thinking.
Erica answers that she’s annoyed and wants this conversation to be done (Doesn’t take a mind reader to figure that out, a mirror works). Erica stresses that she just want things to be peaceful even though they come from different religious backgrounds.
Erica, who is Jewish, comments that Gia is Muslim. Gia takes offense because she never said she was Muslim and Erica is basing this on her being Middle Eastern. (I don’t think Erica said anything wrong, she does look like she might be Muslim, and it isn’t like she called her Al-Qaeda. Although she should know Muslims aren’t the ones to fuck with. What is wrong with this girl? Oh that’s right, Jews love to suffer, never mind. Although I will say, Jews can be a bit crazy too; they really know how to nail down.)
Gia says she doesn’t believe in violence, but “I will slap a bitch if I have to.” (A slap would be the least of my concerns regarding Gia. I’d take all her threats seriously. Wouldn’t want any surprises in the morning.)
Girl Fight
Later the girls have their first rehabilitation session with their life coach, Laura.
Gia feels all the girls have issues, and she doesn’t have any. She does admit she has a nanny who cares for her daughter because she needs her sleep (Now some people might think this Gia is a self-centered delusional bitch whose tube should have probably been tied, but I am guessing having a kid was a good way to seal her man and get that divorce settlement higher. Besides, when you marry Middle Eastern men, you know you’re going to pop out a couple. So as any true gold digger knows, you gotta make sacrifices. )
Pamela says she’s completely independent so Laura asks how she pays for her expenses. Pam answers, “I work hard; I do what I need to do”.
Pressed further, Pam says she works on Wall Street doing finance. The other girls all have the same thought and finally Jessica can’t hold it in any longer and asks Pamela if she is a prostitute.
Pamela is offended. (I would be offended too, clearly Pamela is a high priced ESCORT. Prostitutes are cheap hoes that use Craigslist or Twitter to pass around their vajayjay at super discount prices).
After the session, Pamela – talking to Jackie – says the girls are fake and Gia looks like a basset hound that can’t even take care of her baby.
Gia overhears all this and tells them to get out the room.
Jackie calls her a bitch and Gia doesn’t take it lightly… “Don’t call me a bitch, ‘cause I will show you a bitch… call me a bitch one more time and I will slap that fucking fake tan off your face.”
Jackie and Gia keep arguing until Jackie tells Gia to shut up, which is Gia’s cue to take a pillow and slap the shit out of Jackie (Yup, Gia clearly doesn’t believe in violence. She’s like a modern day Mother Theresa. )
I said it before but I’ll say it again…..just about every one of these girls looks like the Khloe Kardassian of their respective families….like, the fucked up version of their much hotter sisters.
I thought Khloe was the hot one? She sure bagged herself a nigga wit more money than she does. Bitch can pick ‘em. Although that dude makes the fugliest faces when he takes pictures. He be trying to distract ppl from his wife’s beauty.
Fuck no.
Kim is the hot one. Kourtney is ok looking.
Khloe is a gorilla.
Damn!!! Gorilla?? I thought all 3 kinda resembled each otha 2 be honest, except Khloe is the fatter one.
Those hoes ain’t very cute. They are great to laugh at though. And yeah, men should really stop calling ugly skanks hot. Delusional hoes get annoying because when you tell them they are fugs, they think you hatin. Sad shit.
For Real! They look like Llamas!
hahaha this show is hilarious!
Lane, can u do a fresh meat 2 finale recap?
Yup Im working on it ima refinish them all episode 5-the reunion.
@TheCondition…Laughed the whole time. “Will be watching.”
“Otherwise don’t believe the hype, because men are 85% full of shit and 15% full of hot air.”
Oh, no. Massie’s figured me out.
Yup, she nailed it. I think she is psychic. I think we should ask for a reading. I think we can hustle a discount. If all else fails, just flash her yo dick.
Yeah, you can buy boxed wine. It fits in the frig nice and has a spigot on it so you can just put your glass right up against the shelf in the frig.
But the problem is that stuff goes bad fast. We used to sell it at the Cow Place in the concession stands. If it’s taken from fridge and sits out all day then put back in fridge and taken out again it starts to get a vinegar smell to it
All day?
Geez, how long does wine last in your house?
The Cow Palace is an arena where they used to have concerts and the circus. Now they just do car shows and raves. Wine doesn’t sit in my house because no one here drinks alcohol.
Wine doesn’t sit in my house either because everyone here drinks a lot of it.
LMAO @ car shows and raves.
Damn girl,who the fuck names a place for concerts The Cow Place? I thought that was a food market in the hickish part of Alabama or some shit. No wonder place closed down.
No the Cow Place is on the edge of San Francisco. It got it’s name because it kind of looks like a large barn and they also hold the Grand National Rodeos there as well as Tattoo Expos and they used to do the Exotic Erotic Ball
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cow_Palace
I seem to remember hearing about the Cow Palace a lot.
Did they hold WWF wrestling there back in the late 80s and early 90s? I used to watch it as a kid and I think that’s where I heard of it.
Yes they held a lot of wrestling matches there as well as American Gladiators and hockey games before San Jose built their arena for the Sharks. I worked there from 1990 to 1998 off and on
Saw the Grateful Dead there (or Dreadful Gate).
I think all these girls are prostituting themselves in some way. Maybe they don’t charge for sex but they seem to view their sexuality as a way to get material goods and that’s pretty dehumanizing.
Yeah they all be hoein themselves but in a classy way, at least they ain’t the basketball wives… those dumb cunts are just desperate. I like most of the girls on this show, for now. Although a few of them just seem like dead weight.
fucking gia looks like nicole richie, what the hell is this shit?
This show has real potential.
I hate to say it, but I was disappointed with the initial information about these new shows….but OCD Project, Dad Camp, and this all have been entertaining so far.
We could still use a show with outrageously skanky whores though.
i aqree totally
I think the issue here is the ignorance behind Erica’s comment. Not all Muslims are Arab and not all Arabs are Muslims, there are Christian Arabs, Jewish Arabs, and etc. And I am sure that Erica said it with mocking intentions to have a negative comment come out of Gia.So that people can say look at that Arab she is so violent. In any of these reality shows that come on television there is always one or a few people who will throw punches and/or threaten violence so don’t say it’s because she is part of this religion or this nationality.
“Damn girl,who the fuck names a place for concerts The Cow Place? I thought that was a food market in the hickish part of Alabama or some shit. No wonder place closed down.”
It’s called the cow PALACE dumb fuck.
It’s called nobody gives a fuck yu worthless piece of shit.
DL???
That was uncalled for.
And what he said was called for? Didn’t think so.
Don’t start none, wont be none.
This unknown, lurkin’ ass fool came out the wood works trying to clown on one of the regular contributors, and on an old ass post, too; he deserves to get blasted on.
People need to take that passive-aggressive bullshit elsewhere.
Afuckin-men! Dude lucky I just took my happy pills.
Word of advice. People who comment on posts more than a month old out of nowhere don’t usually keep commenting. They make that one comment and never come back so replying to them is a waste of time. If comments keep popping up on old posts it’s usually someone talking to themselves while pretending to be other people.
Ummmm, sisters… it’s gonna be dayum tough to get new folks to join Bourgy if the writers marginalize them. No? ::sheesh::
When they have shit to say, that’s not really a hit to the site. They can move on their merry way over the edge of a fuckin cliff for all I care.
What a heart, DL. What a heart. LOL. Trust me, I knew what the response was gonna be. “Punks jump up to get beat down.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxBvUqLs_eU
That song was the knock.
Brand Nubian was the truth…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=500F9W1qku8&feature=avmsc2
…ah, no doubt, no doubt on this. Whut? And the closing verse of this mafufggin classic cut. Dig it. Dig it. Nice pull.