So Kristy Joe is gone; but not forgotten… and Daisy is celebrating her departure. I suppose she wasn’t liked.
It’s challenge time, though, so no time to gloat. For some reason, as Daisy reads the challenge she and the other girls seem surprised there will be an Elimination ceremony tonight. Maybe I missed something; but I thought that was the show’s raison d’être.
Bret’s reaction to Kristy Joe’s departure isn’t quite Daisy’s, he needs to relax, and what better way to relax and learn more about he ladies than to invite their exes.
Destiney’s ex-husband is first; a decent looking giant named Adam, to whom she was married for three years. Next comes Casey; Jessica’s ex…he treated her like crap, apparently.
Megan’s ex is Josh whom she dated for six months but his having a girlfriend proved to be a stumbling-block.
A nervous looking Ambre waits for her ex to appear, but it turns out to be Adam, her best-friend. (hmmmn; no ex and a gay-looking best friend? Sounds like a lesbian to me)
Bret lets us know that, try as he might, no ex wanted to come on the show.
And that leaves Daisy. She knows who’s coming because she has only had “one ex-boyfriend in the last five years”
He turns out to be Charles, a freakish, fiendish, feckless looking Trent Reznor wannabe.
And Bret, being the fair lad he is, brought Heather (Rock of Love) along to pretend to be his “unbelievably close friend”. Of course that moment meant we got to revisit the most memorable line of the first season…“I saw you suck his dick in there”
They separated themselves by gender as Bret mentioned to use he has “unleashed” Heather.
And that was enough to have Daisy confess, “there is something huge about Charles she has not told Bret” (I hope she isn’t talking about his penis?)
And in a perfect segue, Bret decides to take the guys to a Cigar Club. (phallic symbology?)
And just to show how roles have reversed, whilst the men are sucking smoking cigars the girls are drinking at the mansion.
Nothing like seeing drunk women to get Heather all horny and she declares, “I love having all topless women in the house” (she defines cheap)
Meanwhile, the guys are reluctant to open up with Bret, so he takes the initiative to ask pointed questions…addressing Adam (Ambre’s best-friend), he asks, “does she really want to win this for me?” Or is it simply her cheerleader-type personality to win at all costs. (uh? what?)
He ponders Jessica’s ability to handle his lifestyle. (What lifestyle? Why is he still pretending to be this hard-nosed rocker?)
And then the bombs start dropping. Megan’s ex says she’ll date you if she wants something from you (and he’s not talking love and affection). And adds, she has been on another reality show.
The girls, now out near the pool, are dropping truths of their own. Heather (looking awful in one of those bikinis that isn’t) learns Destiney was in love with the drummer from ‘Brides of Destruction’ (prompting thousands of Google searches). Heather soon concludes Destiney is a bit of a rock-star groupie.
In a perfect moment of synergy, Destiney does a cartwheel in the nude, as her boyfriend Adam tells Bret she loves to party and attend rock concerts without him. Bret wavers between describing her as “super-cool” or an “über groupie”
Daisy’s ex, Charles, says they were band-mates and toured together, but do not now have a physical relationship. But Bret sees him squirm and senses he is not being completely honest.
Back at the mansion the girls are telling on each other; particularly Jessica who reacts badly 
to the enormous insult of being labeled too sweet and innocent. Jessica tells Heather, Destiney is a “huge groupie” and Megan has done a reality show.
Heather remarks, “if I am getting this much dirt, immediately; what else is there?” (more dirt?)
Through all this, Daisy is a mess. The burden has become too much for her and, tears streaming down her face, she interrupts Destiney’s and Heather’s chat and says to Heather, “I need to talk to you”
In a quiet place she confesses to still living with her ex (or rather “ex”) in a one bedroom apartment, but, “we haven’t been physical with each other for like…two years” (riiiiiiiiight).
“I can’t hep the person I was before; I met Bret” (what does she mean? There is more?)
“I gotta pee”, Heather says, and ends the conversation. (Classic!)
In a bit of obvious sponsors promotion, the guys are at Dave & Buster’s®, and Bret pounces on Charles. But Charles is poker-faced and says very little; prompting Bret to say, “he is a bit of a conundrum wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a mystery”
At the mansion, Jessica, an innocent wrapped in naïveté, decides getting drunk, vomiting and falling over herself, is the way to shed her goody-girl image.
She jumps into the arms of Bret, the boys having returned to the mansion, prompting Bret to as, ‘Heather, what have you done?’
Moments away from projectile, Jessica whispers, “I will never hurt you”
Bret has seen enough and takes Heather to his room to be briefed.
Heather, never one to hold back, gives her opinions on all the ladies. Jessica is “too young”
Megan “has a good rack” but was on ‘Beauty and the Geek’
Ambre doesn’t mesh with Bret, she thinks; and they both conclude Destiney is the type who “could be with any guy in a band”
Meanwhile, Megan is in tears because her ex, Josh, admits he came only to promote his bar, ‘Swig’. Megan is distraught because “I wanted him to be my boyfriend so badly and he refused to” (now that has to be the most pathetic thing I have ever heard in my life)
Back in Bret’s room, Heather delivers the moment of truth to Bret, Daisy still lives with Charles.
Bret calls a meeting with the two and they repeat their story…they live together but aren’t sleeping together. Shockingly, Bret volunteers that Daisy is strong favorite to be his Rock of Love and asks Charles if he would be cool with Daisy staying another day. Charles says “yeah”.
Elimination Ceremony
Just before Eliminations, Ambre snitches on Megan; a disappointed Bret says, “Megan has been shedding tears and crying. Not over me; but her ex”
Megan is called to a private meeting that begins and ends with heavy kissing, but in the middle she lied about her feelings for her ex.
It’s now time to see who goes home.
Ambre is called first, bizarrely she opines, “it feels very good to have your feelings validated by the man you love” (wtf?)
Destiney is called next; then Daisy. “No more bullshit”, Bret warns.
It’s down to Jessica and Megan, and I am betting Jessica goes home; but, in a turn-up for the books (y’all know these phrases, right?), Bret eliminates Megan.
A stunned, disbelieving Megan refuses to leave and just stands there for a minute or two, shaking her head.
Eventually she’s escorted outside by Bret; but refuses to kiss him, rightfully so.
Back inside, Bret tells the girls to get packing because they are off to Las Vegas in the Lear jet. And Heather is coming too.
So that was that…Megan goes home.
Thanks for reading; I’ll write a less cumbersome recap on Monday night…pinky swear.
Pictures courtesy VH-1
